Monday, April 1, 2013

Amish to Acquire Home Depot Site

Yoder Miller, Amish elder, and team tour
interior of former K-Mart property
Following years of vacancy after efforts to build a new Home Depot were defeated, a former K-Mart site has been purchased by a group of the Amish.

The Amish are a group of traditionalist Christian church fellowships that form a subgroup of the Mennonite churches. The Amish are known for simple living, plain dress, and reluctance to adopt many conveniences of modern technology.

Details are sketchy at the moment, but sources tell The Foothills Observed that the Amish plan to build a colony for the sect, which will consist of residences, workshops and worship halls. There will also be a small school room for their children.

In recent years, the Amish have become known for their handicrafts and products that have gained popularity with the non-Amish public. Amish communities in places like Pennsylvania, Ohio and Iowa are frequently visited by tourists looking for well crafted furniture, clothing, craft items and baked goods. It is believed that the new Amish colony in Sunland will feature a section of retail shops dedicated to the sale of Amish made products.

Aerial view of former K-Mart Sunland site
Yoder Miller, an elder with the Amish community reportedly involved in the deal, was quoted as saying "Ya, thou will be seeing the Amish in our Sunland colony doing good works. We hope to have good relations with our English neighbors but we be staying amongst ourselves mostly."

Prior to the construction of the Amish homes and shops, which is done with traditional construction methods, the existing K-Mart facility, as well as utility infrastructure will have to be removed. Because the tools and methods required to do so fall outside Amish beliefs, the Amish are permitted to outsource the work to non-Amish. Miller states that a group of Lutherans been contracted for such.

Local City Councilman Richard Alarcon praised the deal, saying "I don't know much about the Amish except they don't grow mustaches like I have. They do like to bake and drive in horse drawn buggies, which is consistent with the Foothills lifestyle."

It is expected the entire project will be completed by April 1, 2014. Principals involved would not disclose the purchase price of the deal. If you've made it this far, Happy April Fools Day!